@SkinnerSteven: I was hooked on auctions after only going once ...going twice
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@internetluke: [police show picture of my dead body at bottom of stairs to wife] "Why no pants on?" We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell
@jackiembouvier: I just watched an ad for a stain remover in which they cleaned a pool of blood off a sofa and it seemed perfectly normal.
@ellentee: I wore a beanie hat in public and people kept trying to buy drugs from me. I made $1200 but now I'm out of breath mints.
@Ryanfc706: I hate when I smile at a stranger and they don't smile back... I'm using my face muscles for you, you little shit.