This poster that says “Green Day: Sold Out” is right in two ways
I was lying next to 4 and he looked into my eyes and stroked some hair off my face and my heart melted but then he stroked a bit harder and said “mummy I can’t rub the lines out your face”
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20 years of House Hunters and Hugh Laurie is still alive and kicking. Thank god they don’t seem to be very good at it.
*zips up tent*
[Wife]: What happened
[Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh..
*flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear
There’s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Are we doing Secret Santa this year? Because I accidentally bought unsalted butter.
crap this virus is turning all the people into pigeons
I miss you… then I eat something and it goes away…
Me: I wonder why I don’t have any friends and can’t seem to find anyone to date.
My note that my mom found…
She hung it on the fridge for at least six months after I wrote it at 8-9yrs old.
But I love food, why would it want to poison me? 🙁