Bartender: “Do you want a drink, miss?”nnMe: “What are my choices?”nnBartender: “Yes or No.”
I was winning at blackjack until the pit boss offered to exchange my chips for chips and salsa.
You Might Also Like
Stacy: Come over!
Stacy: My mom isn’t home.
Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again…. without looking weird.
“Where were u on the nite of the 5th?”
Stabbing a guy.
“Louder for the tape.”
Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.
So, my wife did NOT appreciate her Yelp review…
Ghost: GET OUT
Me: Or what?
Ghost: I’ll close a cupboard loudly and tip over a cup. I have all the powers of a three year-old that has access to a ladder
If I have learned anything in life it’s don’t throw away your fat clothes
octopus: [gun in each hand]
feral hog: you’re 22-42 short buddy
I don’t hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah’s witnesses to your door…on a daily basis.