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@Tups13: I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
@IncrediblyRich: WHAT IS HAPPENING.
@DaddyJew: [at daycare]
Me: I'm here to pick up my son
Daycare: what's he look like?
Me: *points to my face*
D: oh. Ok
@RealSudoNim: This relationship is over. Over. ~dumping someone via walkie talkie.
@LizHackett: I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don't know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile.
@sophielou: Ever since I had my fingerprints taken for employment, I often sit at my desk gazing off in the distance, reflecting over the opportunity of an exciting life of crime lost by accepting this job.