@BeTheCookie
@_youhadonejob1
Every single time. 😫
You Might Also Like
@_youhadonejob1
@Josievorenkamp
When someone starts a Facebook post with “there are no words…” You better get prepared because you’re about to read a lot of words.
@batkaren
The reviews for Cats are in (17% on rotten tomatoes), and they are spectacular.
@HousewifeOfHell
An enterprising neighborhood kid started a business to fill in all those grownup coloring books for us. I feel more relaxed already.
@hazelmotes1
On the Titanic 0 people died from alcohol poisoning and 1,500 people died from drinking too much water. You decide which is more dangerous.
@KalvinMacleod
Wolverine: [sharpening his claws] so what’s your super power?
Me: I am good at rearranging letters to form new words
Wine lover: [taking a sip of merlot] I’ll drink to that
@seamusmckracken
Confuse people by affixing “but not necessarily at this juncture” to the end of each sentence.
@AmishPornStar1
According to some “experts” called “doctors”…
You can wake up without a hangover if you don’t drink the night before.
Whatever.
@bettieriot
I don’t regret my exes. They all served a purpose. On an unrelated note, my rose bushes are really thriving.
@WhaJoTalkinBout
Dr Mario: you have a tumor
me: two more what