If you’re blowing a horn at me, you’d better be in a band.
I waved to a man because I thought he waved at me.
Apparently he waved to an other woman. So to get out of the awkward situation I kept my hand up and a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport. I am now in Poland starting a new life.
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[Hoth Rebel Base]
Leia: How’s Skywalker?
Han: He was nearly frozen when I found him.
Leia: And, now?
Auto mechanic: Well here’s your problem. The last person to work on this didn’t wash their hands after using the restroom.
Whoever came up with the slogan Diamonds are Forever, obviously never had herpes.
Tom & Jerry had the realest beef of all time….. nvr said a word…. it was jus on sight ..
*playing Mortal Kombat*
Her: Can I try?
Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie?
Q: If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?
A: I don’t know. If everyone used the same hypothetical question to demonstrate a point, would you?
Any animal that has a face CAN SPEAK. They’re just being stubborn.
I’ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo.
If at first you don’t succeed you will get a lot of advice from people who didn’t succeed either.