@IamEnidColeslaw
what if the Blair Witch was just lonely
@MustardSally1
I waved to a man because I thought he waved at me.
Apparently he waved to an other woman. So to get out of the awkward situation I kept my hand up and a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport. I am now in Poland starting a new life.
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@IamEnidColeslaw
@AllanForsyth
[The Last Supper]
Waiter: *grinning slyly* Here’s a 50% off coupon for your next visit.
@nextgaara
“Quick kid I don’t have much time. In 2020 they will release a super virus in a strategic attempt to wipe ou-“
@donni
Castles are great but I wish you could rent other forms of bouncy architecture
@BradBroaddus
Grandpa: “My joints are stiff.”
Me: “Don’t roll them so tight.”
@Pork_Chop_Hair
Me: *runs up* if anyone asks, we’re friends. just be cool.
Dog: *wags tail*
Me: oh you’re good.
@somecleverthing
Sounds are hear more. Words is type now.
@jwoodham
FACEBOOK: Hey, remember me? I’m a girl you met in college, in that one class. We never really talked. Anyway, here’s 97 pictures of my baby.
@prufrockluvsong
I would do anything for love. But I won’t do that. Or that. That’s not looking good either.
@AndyAsAdjective
ME: and what are we going to do next time?
7YR OLD: you’re going to let me know in advance before you shave your beard
M: and for you?
7: I’m not going to scream “STRANGER! DANGER!” or call 911