A firm handshake and a kiss on the neck is how I like to close my job interviews. Nailed it!
I went deep sea fishing once and caught what I thought was a marlin, but was actually a catfish with a party hat glued to its face.
You Might Also Like
You’re the Pepsi of people.
Some people like you, but they’re wrong.
“there are some things that money can’t buy”
politician: i don’t get it
[On a date]
Him: I’m really into cars.
Me: [Trying to impress] oh yeah me too
Him: Oh nice! What’s your favorite kind?
Me: [Panicking] red
Most Trump supporters favorite Disney character is the hunter who shot Bambi’s mom and we all know it.
Why does George Zimmerman keep popping up every 6 months or so? Is he the McRib?
I thought air was free until I bought a bag of Lay’s Potato Chips!
10 bucks says when Dora grows up, she’s gonna be a drug mule.
This is the only criticism of millenials I will accept
Horse detective stood in the rain and looked out to sea. He thought about justice and fate. He thought about her. He thought about apples.