@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang
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@tastefactory: If a zombie approaches you, bop it on the nose with a rolled-up magazine and say NO.
@caithuls: ME: So it's like a spank bank for your feelings? THERAPIST: Most people just call it a journal, but sure
@daemonic3: [on date] HER: I once broke up with a guy for saying "I could care less" ME: Haha that idiot [nervous] of course it's "I could care fewer"
@AmishPornStar1: Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?! Alexa: Hold my beer!!!
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