@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
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@10InchesPlus: *sees oven left on "What moron left the oven on!?" *tries repeatedly to turn it off "WTF!? Stupid oven!" *realizes 425 is the time
@chuuew: SUPERVILLAIN: [thrusting kryptonite into my side] ME: How did you discover my weakness? [gasping for air] I... hate... being... stabbed...
@MagsWoodward: I'm beginning to think my best chance of fame is if someone names a syndrome after me.