@ImKevinito: I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WilliamAder: A thing I learned at this week's staff meeting is that I have restless leg syndrome when I sleep.
@_davidlucas_: So it's okay for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up. But when I do it, I'm "antisocial". I call bullshit.
@totallymel: my grandfather destroyed the economy w/ the overproduction of coins he pulled from behind my ears. the market simply could not deal