@thatdutchperson: I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.
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@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'How will I know when I'm an adult?' and I said, ' When you hear your favorite Justin Bieber song playing in an elevator'
@Mom_Overboard: Dog: Stop staring at me. I don't talk. Next time don't take so many Sudafed. Me: Wow, ok. Rewd. *grabs my unicorn's reins* Let's go.