love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime
i wish people went thru puberty the way that digimon digivolve. i do not want armpit hair. i want rocket launchers for hands
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My friend of mine likes to name her cars. She jokingly named her car after me. As soon as she did it started leaking oil and backfiring.
I am not shocked.
Johnny Depp’s wife of just over a year Filed for Divorce today…
With NO prenup…She is gonna get soooooo many bracelets.
Me: I was so happy before I lost my forearms in that shark attack
Therapist: How do you feel now?
Me: With my elbows
If two cannibals fight
Does that make it a food fight?
Whenever someone says they hate cats and they’re all shitty and snobby about it, I’m like, “Weird cuz you behave JUST like one.”
Reasons I visit a TL:
1. You’re a genius
2. You’re far from a genius
3. I like you
4. I know you hate me and want you to know I know
4: can we name the baby Yoko?
Me: well Yoko is a Japanese name
4: if the baby is Japanese can we name it Yoko?
Dear people who combine Christmas and birthday gifts,
WE HATE YOU!
Everyone born in December.