@DadZZZasleep: I wonder how much time Han Solo spent just brushing Chewie’s fur and talking about their aspirations
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@Gupton68: Removing my pants wasn’t what the server meant when she said to make myself comfortable while she got my drink. I understand that now, officer.
@EndhooS: [Fairground] Son: Daddy can I have a balloon? Me: If you're good. Son: Good at what? Me: Buying your own balloons
@LittleMissLizz: I’ve been using the Netflix account of an ex for half a decade. We broke up in 2010 & in 2017 I got a text out of nowhere that said, “Do you watch anything that isn’t about death??” No. No I do not.
@nbadag: [restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM