My 15 yo told me he is going to someday name his daughter “May” and it will be short for Mayonnaise but nobody will know.
I couldn’t be more proud.
I wonder if anyone ever looked Jesus in the face and saw a piece of toast.
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I experimented a ton in college. I tried naps in the evening, naps in the morning, sometimes even 3 naps in a row.
Friend: You’re going to be an usher at our wedding. Is that okay?
Me: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Bouncer: Your friends can go in but not you, you go home
Me: Perfect, say it just like that when I turn up later
When I was a teenager, nobody told me about incense. So every time I smoked pot, I covered up the smell by cooking a whole meatloaf.
Look, you invented bread and I invented knives. Let’s combine forces and we could be the best thing since…well we’ll think of that later.
My husband and I decided to be more honest with each other. In related news, he’s been sleeping on the couch.
5 just told me she is on the phone and it’s not ok to interrupt her work call. Then hushed me as she walked away explained to her coworker how hard it is to work with parents around.
Her “phone” is the kitchen calculator.
Botany good plants lately?