@dimestorec0wgrl
@FaisalAdam_
The Sun’s probably Asian.
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@FaisalAdam_
@dog_feelings
a ladybug has entered the household. and i. am on my way to introduce myself
@9GAG
Cell phones ruined the fun of pushing a fully clothed person into a pool.
@squirrel74wkgn
WHY DOES THIS DENTAL FLOSS REFUSE TO LET ME TOSS IT INTO THE BATHROOM TRASH CAN?
@tkhan74
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said, “How the hell did you get in here?”
@lawking30
I photobombed my pal’s passport photo & now they won’t let him through customs unless I’m behind him waving my hands in the air like a putz.
@TheToddWilliams
Who called it a muzzle and not a hush puppy?
@AaronFullerton
I think it’s unfair that when a human eats uncooked fish it’s “sushi,” but when a fish eats uncooked human, it’s “a shark attack.”
@iGreenMonk
My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.
@OtherDanOBrien
Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy’s name attached? Why aren’t plumbers called, like, toiletdougs? Or crapperjoels?