They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
I wonder what song the Little Mermaid was singing when she viciously ripped a clam in half to make a bikini top?
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Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn’t you know you were taking the picture?
We are the people our parents warned us about.
A lot of people are walking around without forks in their eyes only because I don’t carry forks around.
This is the worst game of Jumanji ever.
A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he’s naked.
The first rule of cliff hanger club is
*lights a scented candle in my house
*gets texted 500 miles away from my mother
Please watch those candles
An important phone call is something that occurs when there’s no better excuse to ignore someone.