I would have suggested they just use a regular volleyball, but I guess the Olympics are special.
You Might Also Like
Preparing for Milton by stockpiling Pop Tarts.
I’m not saying your dumb. I’m saying you’re dumb.
In Russia, the cold complains about you.
Obi-wan: It’s over Anakin! I have the high ground!
Anakin:*Force pushes him out of the way*
Obi-wan: Damn that completely obvious solution
How is it my dog understands the word no, but my children don’t?
[becomes allergic to the floor midway through a date & slowly floats out of a window]
The check engine light came on inside my oven.
I’ve just realized… gun to my head and i have to spell diarrhea… I’m dead
When I was a kid my mom didn’t really stop me for doing dangerous things she would just repeat over and over “if you’re going to be dumb, you have to be tough.” I think about this as an old man often while doing dumb things
He who understands women, dies under mysterious circumstances…
Gynecologists in small towns spend a lot of time looking up old friends
Murderer: Which of the three of you to kill – it’s quite the dilemma
Me: Technically that’s a trilemma
Murderer: OK now it’s easy
I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.
[showing new guy around office]
Me: Watch out for that guy, he has a short fuse, haha.
New guy: He said the same about you, haha.
Me: *throws coffee mug at wall* HE NEEDS TO SHUT HIS STUPID MOUTH!
What do we want?
An end to auto-correct errors!
When do we want it?
Cow!
Sow!
Bow!
Tow!
Duck this!
Me: kid, you have no chill
5: I do, I just don’t use it
Let’s name him something that will make children smile
“How about Santa?”
Ok but let’s add something fierce so they are afraid to defy him
me: hey siri
siri: (long, deep sigh) what
Me: *walks up to Walgreens cashier with a pack of condoms* Excuse me, where are your fitting rooms?
FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.
Nextdoor is Twitter for old people. 🧐
“I’m a green onion and I’m here to say, I can be enjoyed most every day.”
-A rapscallion
Me: I can’t make it in today.
Boss: How sick are you?
M: I cut my sandwiches in rectangles instead of triangles.
B: Jesus, you ARE sick.
Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours
Not a creature was stirring, not even a… oops never mind, the Aussies are up.
the last thing a carrot sees
*yells from the back of an ambulance*
“Can you drop me off at the corner, I can’t afford this!”
My sister sent me a picture of us when we were teenagers with a caption “look how pretty you used to be”
Executioner: *sweating, hauling up guillotine blade for the ninth time* Please, I have to go home.
Turtle: I won’t pull in this time lol
Second person to try hang gliding: Wow thanks for letting me be the first person to try this
Inventor: Suuure