I would have suggested they just use a regular volleyball, but I guess the Olympics are special.
You Might Also Like
I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.
me: this english class is stupid who needs grammar
{ 15 years later }
me, leaning to lawyer: what the hell is a sentence
Whenever I take my kids to the zoo I think this is exactly where they belong.
How badly am I doing? I’m considering pretending to have a podcast so I can ask my internet crush to come on it
Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.
My dog just puked on the floor.
5yo: MOMMY, LOOK!
Me: Eeeww!
5yo: We are just gonna have to move now!I like the way this kid thinks!
[church]
1-year-old: *throws a tantrum*
Me: This is the worst place for a meltdown.
Wife: Nuclear power plants?
Me: Second worst place.
[slams a leaf blower down on the counter at Home Depot] this hairdryer is too dangerous
Essential viewing in these troubled times.
“Dad?”
“Yes, son?”
“Where do busboys come from?”
“Well, son. When a boy loves a bus very, very much…”
It’s so strange, my 5 yr old is only “starving to death” when he hears the word “bedtime”
What a random, consistent, coincidence
Stop trying to undress my panda bear onesie with your eyes.
If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge already
My family crest is just a picture of my grandfather dressed up as a giant hotdog being dragged into a cave by a bear.
Today in my classroom
Me: I almost didn’t come in to work today
Student: oh, where do you work?
When I have kids I’m gonna tell them drugs are good for them.
It’s the only way I can be sure they won’t try them.
An expiration date should be called a spoiler alert.
“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”
The secret to fluffy pancakes is gently folding the souls of people who annoy you into the batter.
I just saw where some woman got paid $40 for brushing her teeth on Only Fans.
I will be opening an Only Fans account forthwith and just argue with people all day. That’s my only skill. Except I do know how to brush my teeth so I guess I could do that too.
(burglar breaks into my house)
me: Reginald, kill!
pet caterpillar: *scooch scooch scooch*
me: what’s your sign?
chef: spisces
me: why do you think my parents don’t love me
therapist: they’re pretty clear about it in the group chat
me: the what
I was seeing a woman called Rosemary for about a year. Whenever I went down on her I’d sniff and say “ahh, I love the smell of Rosemary”. She mentioned it numerous times as one of the reasons we were breaking up.
Me: Why aren’t you in bed?
5: I need smooth jazz.
Me: Uh what?
5: I NEED YOU TO PLAY ME SMOOTH JAZZ!
ME: I wish all of my enemies would randomly feel a crunch when they’re eating something definitely not crunchy
SATAN: holy shit
Weaknesses.
Secret Panel HERE 💥
the avengers: “the city is saved”
the city:
me: sord
English: sword
me: why
English: because i like it lol
me: that’s not a good anser
English: oh boy ur not gonna be happy about this
I don’t need anything that a fettuccine Alfredo coma can’t cure.