Marvel, DC, and the world unite to agree on one SUPERVILLAIN to rule them all….
The Guy Who Determines Snack Food Serving Sizes.
I yelled, “what are you doing!?” and my 3yo threw her fruit snacks like she was running away from the cops.
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Break up by making swimming motion arms every time they want to hold hands.
*bumps into cute girl while typing on calculator* oops! got a bit carried away inventorying my lizards *makes sure she sees the 99999999999*
[me as an uber driver]
yeah I have a degree but this way I can also make crying in my car profitable
“Shotgun!” I yell as I push past the others and climb into the seat.
I am subsequently escorted from the airplane.
Me: Sometimes I wish I wasn’t shy and introverted
Alcohol: I’VE GOT GREAT NEWS!
*dozing in front of TV*
spontaneous full volume: ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING??
*a dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center*
Put it all on Grey
robbed a bank just to hear someone call me a person of interest
yelling “you’re not my real dad” is a faux pas