I’d like to have a child one day. Two days, tops.

You Might Also Like


The Samsung Galaxy is a cool phone if you don’t mind carrying around a 42″ screen.


[harry potter at work]

Colleague: when you were in school you killed a giant snake thing, right?

Harry: a basilisk, yes

Colleague: can’t even edit a google doc though, yikes *sips coffee*


When someone invites me to their house and I see more than 2 cars parked outside it I keep driving just in case it’s an intervention for me


Drank some paint and have now added “interior decorator” to my CV.


johnny depp looks like the person who does hair and make up for johnny depp


I’m no scientist, but I don’t think it’s possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting.


Negotiating with a 3 year old:

Me: pick out two books to read.

3yo: no five books!

Me: fine three books.

3yo: no five books!

Me: no one book!

3yo: no TWO books!

Me: ugh you got me, two books it is.


A burrito.. in a bowl? Sure that sounds great! And while you’re at it, why don’t you rip the blankets off me while I sleep, u piece of shit


Other women: Nothing is sexier than a dad holding a baby.

Me: Nothing is sexier than my husband using his thundering dad-voice to frighten our children into behaving when I’ve abandoned all hope.