Movies Lesson #5: very few people die while trying to get from one hotel room to another using the ledge outside, so give it a shot.
I’d like to pay my .30 library fine with two credit cards please.
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WANTED: Good looking girl to jog in front of me while I run. Can’t be fast.
Dentist: Have you been flossing?
Attorney: *covers mic* You don’t have to answer that
[on road trip]
Me: I AM NOT turning this car around
Me: Nope. No way.
[45 min later]
Me: *walks out of house holding Mr. Teddy Bear*
Me: Shut the hell up!
Her: Maybe you wanna take this outside?
Me: *checks weather app* Can’t. There’s a high pollen alert right now.
Her: i’m in the mood
Me: me too
Her: wanna do it
Me: oh yeah baby
[we drive to Home Depot to look at paint]
Just bought a new pair of running shoes. Very excited to see how they look on the highest shelf in the closet.
“Are you smarter than a 5th grader?”
“Are you smarter than a 16 year old?”
I thought landlady was the opposite of mermaid?
Personal trainer: you must learn to listen to your body
My body: lifting weights is difficult, go play video games and eat ice cream