@BoomBoomBetty: If a woman wears a hair tie around her wrist you can be sure she is always ready for something, like maybe a brisk jog away from men who misinterpret meaningless gestures as every woman wants to be viewed sexually.
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@NathanBgood: He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on.
@jonathantony: Age 20: "You free for lunch?" "Yeah, meet you there now." Age 30: "You free for lunch?" "Yes, let's schedule it in for 3 weeks from now."
@jwoodham: A horse-drawn carriage sounds really romantic until you realize horses can't even hold a pen and the carriage just looks like a scribble.
@truegritrumble: INTERVIEWER: Your greatest weakness? ME: I'm told my laugh is sinister. INTERVIEWER: Lol. That can't be true. ME: Mwahahaha. I know, right.