@BoomBoomBetty: If a woman wears a hair tie around her wrist you can be sure she is always ready for something, like maybe a brisk jog away from men who misinterpret meaningless gestures as every woman wants to be viewed sexually.
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@swiftenhaal: I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.
@kirkobainz: If white people know how to say Daenerys Targaryen, they can learn to pronounce your name correctly.
@_elvishpresley_: [inventing vampire weaknesses] writer 1: *stoked* ok sunlight, they can only come out at night writer 2: nice how about crucifixes? writer 1: ooh yea and holy water! writer 2: we're crushing this [5 hours later] writer 1: uhh they have to be invited inside writer 2: garlic
@DrThanatos: The Scarecrow didn't have the brains, Tin Man didn't have the heart, and the Lion didn't have the courage. So Dorothy remained a virgin.