@chelliet22: Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Unless you're talking about Oreos.

@susie_qsie: If I ever find someone I love as much as pizza... ...I will kill them. Nobody comes between me and pizza.

@SirEviscerate: DATE: Did you know a octopus can slip through any hole his beak can fit? ME: ...haha no. [Later] ME: *tearing apart my almost-finished octopus jail blueprints*

@PaperWash: Fun prank: steal a $2 beer. Get caught. Don't pay the $275 fine. Go to jail for 60 days. The state will spend $3,500 jailing you LOL

@samalmightysam: Ah ? ha ? ha ? ha ? stayin' alive, stayin alive ? ? ? ?.