@Mom_Overboard

If by putting clean sheets on my bed you mean I piled unfolded clean sheets on my bed and then used them as a cuddle buddy for a week, then yes, I put new sheets on my bed.

You Might Also Like

@GaryJanetti

Thanks for the holiday photo! I can’t believe your little girls are already unhappy, overweight teenagers!

@UniqueDude2

WAITER: Your honor, when I said “enjoy your meal” he said “you too”
ME: it was a mistake
JUDGE: he gets half your meal
W: thanks
J: you too

@TheOldFolksHome

Sue: I’m off to the hairdressers, what sort of cut would make me look beautiful? *giggles*

Stan: A power cut.

@NewDadNotes

Wife: your birthday is coming up so don’t buy yourself anything for the next month

Me: ok I won’t.

[mini-horse walks through the kitchen]

Wife:

Me: starting now.

@thatguyJA

My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn’t paying for his college now.

@blakeshelton

I’m so drunk right now I just walked into Canadian customs and shouted “Why y’all checkin’ me?! Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!”

@Darlainky

This lady totally messed up my Zen during my yoga session by switching on the lights and waking me up.

@SofiaParedes79

When I’m bored I go around putting
these stickers on paper towel
dispensers