just a reminder that when Shakespeare was in quarantine for the plague, he wrote the lyrics to “thong song”
If by retirement plan you mean a swear jar, then yes I do have a retirement plan.
You Might Also Like
All those years of school never taught me the most important life lesson. Green gummy bears are strawberry flavored.
I’m not saying my kids undermine my authority, mainly because they’ve not given me permission to.
crochet youtube is brutal
Me: oh shit there’s my ex girlfriend will you hold my hand so she gets jealous
Dad: sure kiddo
[good cop] admit you stole those diamonds
[suspect] wait but I peed on them so now they’re mine
[dog cop] Jim he has a point
plumber: i’ve come to do the pipes
salazar slytherin: make sure they’re big enough for a giant snake
salazar slytherin: no reason
I don’t have a problem with steroids in sports since I think anyone who can give themselves a shot is the bravest person in the world.
“Well-behaved women seldom make history,” I whisper as I don’t wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll add to the global overdepletion of the oceans. So just give him the fish.