@Rachelnoise

If by ticklish, you mean I’ll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I’m a little ticklish.

You Might Also Like

@SamuelHLowe

It’s not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else.

@curlymalloy

Those stupid stress balls don’t work!!!… I just ate one, and it got stuck in my throat… And now, I’m more stressed than before!!!

@IamJackBoot

I would watch Real Housewives if it was like Game of Thrones and they would occasionally and suddenly behead one of the main characters.

@T_Bonezzz

Cat: Grrrrrplukk…Grrrrrplukk…Grrrrrplukk…Grrrrrplukk… **Coughs up hairball**

Dog: You gonna eat that?

@writeden

Me: Hear me out. Blood is thicker than water, right? But so is mustard.

Surgeon: How did you get in here

@UncleDuke1969

When I was younger, I never liked the monkey bars, because monkeys are mean drunks.

@Elizasoul80

“You had a life. It was this long. Here’s a rock.” – tombstones

@ibid78

“You know why I pulled you over?”
“Does anyone know why anyone’s pulled over?”
“Wow. You’re free to go.”
“Is anyone free?”
“Oh you’re good.”

@DraggingFeeties

All I want is for my kids to have a good sense of humor. They don’t have to be funny, just need to be able to recognize how hilarious I am.

@TheBeerGuy73

I’m at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.