It’s not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else.
If by ticklish, you mean I’ll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I’m a little ticklish.
You Might Also Like
Those stupid stress balls don’t work!!!… I just ate one, and it got stuck in my throat… And now, I’m more stressed than before!!!
I would watch Real Housewives if it was like Game of Thrones and they would occasionally and suddenly behead one of the main characters.
Cat: Grrrrrplukk…Grrrrrplukk…Grrrrrplukk…Grrrrrplukk… **Coughs up hairball**
Dog: You gonna eat that?
Me: Hear me out. Blood is thicker than water, right? But so is mustard.
Surgeon: How did you get in here
When I was younger, I never liked the monkey bars, because monkeys are mean drunks.
“You had a life. It was this long. Here’s a rock.” – tombstones
“You know why I pulled you over?”
“Does anyone know why anyone’s pulled over?”
“Wow. You’re free to go.”
“Is anyone free?”
“Oh you’re good.”
All I want is for my kids to have a good sense of humor. They don’t have to be funny, just need to be able to recognize how hilarious I am.
I’m at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.