@sameblacklist: If Eve sacrificed the whole human race for an apple, have you ever wondered what she would have done for a cucumber?
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@GinAndJif: A guy just revved his engine and drove off really quick so I had to chase him for three miles to tell him I don't want to have sex with him.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Snoop walks into a classroom* Snoop: Tell me about the Big Bong Theory Teacher: It's the Big Bang Theory *Snoops walks out disappointed*
@LurkAtHomeMom: My husband claims I’m driving him to an early grave, which is clearly ridiculous because nobody has ever been early to anything I’ve driven them to.