Secondary school me: my speech is abou….
My guys at the back:
If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you.
You Might Also Like
ME: On the one hand, I have this weird rash. And on the other hand
ME: It’s on both hands, I should probably see a doctor
I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred?
The top ans was
GET the hell outta of my bathroom!
I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.
If someone catches me staring I quickly look to my left & right so they think “oh that girl’s not looking at ME she’s looking at EVERYTHING”
This year is like when you accidentally touch wet cat food.
I remember when I could put my shoes on standing up and had that one legged balancing act perfected. It was one Saturday back in 1994, but I remember it.
God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
*frantically searches around*
WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS FEELS LIKE ONLY 47 PILLOWS!
It shakes the bottle vigorously or else it gets the pre-ketchup.