Trying to do deadlifts at the gym, but I can’t figure out where they hide the bodies.
If I had a dollar every time my phone’s battery dies, I
You Might Also Like
“i am trapped in a loveless marriage help me obi-wan you’re my only hope” “use divorce, luke”
Cop: why were you speeding
Me: Out of POLITENESS to the car behind me
The grammar police are there to ensure proper sentencing.
Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn’t believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle.
Next time, instead of complaining about how bad you have it, think about other people, and how to make things bad for them.
These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet.
Gwyneth Paltrow: does this smell “off” to you?
Me: how can I trust you anymore
shiny bag: THESE CHIPS ARE UNHEALTHY
matte bag: THESE CHIPS ARE FROM A FARM AND GOD LOVES THEM