@joeljeffrey: If I was a sniper, I'd probably spend most of my time looking for cats and making them chase my rifle laser pointer from 2 miles away.
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@dannyboy7813: *first date* Her: I'm a bit of a night owl Me: Surely as most owls are nocturnal then it's just an owl H: Well, aren't you a hoot
@Darlainky: [at punchbowl] Me: You go ahead. Lady: No, I insist. Me: Together, then? *we both pour vodka from our purses in*
@Sassafrantz: Some guy just asked if I was Asian cuz he's China get in my pants. Hope your day is as magical as mine.
@kumailn: 5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns.