@joeljeffrey: If I was a sniper, I'd probably spend most of my time looking for cats and making them chase my rifle laser pointer from 2 miles away.
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@JesKeepSwimming: Goldilocks taught me that you can get away with breaking into a brown family's home and stealing their food, as long as you're a white girl.
@JohnHilsen: You gotta admit that humans are the ultimate #1 lifeform because we're essentially half mermaid but we also have legs for kicking and stuff.
@TheBoydP: Purse Rules: 1. My wife agreed not to buy designer purses 2. I agreed it’s not a designer purse if I don’t know how much it costs
@UghNotAgain: Forced to use Axe Shampoo & Conditioner this morning and now my hair is high fiving people and calling them Braaaah.