@protolalia: If I were Jesus I would be seriously spooked by all the buildings with giant crosses.
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@UnfilteredMama: My husband was telling a long, boring story and my 10 year old interrupted with, “Surprising. But you know what’s not surprising? How much money Matt saved by switching to Geico.” Anyway, I’m in trouble for laughing too hard.
@tigersgoroooar: I bet there are at least a few seconds when a tiger is chasing you where you look back and are like, "awwww..."
@FierceMess: If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels.