Titanic, but with literally thousands of cats.
If I were Spock, I would spend 24 hours a day saying things like “get out of my Vulcan face” and “are you Vulcan kidding me?”
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PRIEST: god knows how you’re behaving, and has a huge problem with it
ME (wasn’t listening): and also with you
I’m not sure what my three-year-old needs more, naps or an exorcism.
[Adam and Eve in bed]
Adam, am I really the only girl for you?
GOD EVE, YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
Do one person every day that scares you.
me: thanks for explaining what a plethora is
her: ur welcome
me: it really means a lot
My daughter just came into the kitchen to finish getting ready to go out. So now I’m making a cheese, bacon and hairspray omelette.
Me: I’m exhausted.
My mom: You look exhausted.
Me: How DARE you.
I’m giving up spellcheck for Lant