@KentWGraham

If I were the person naming diseases, Chronic Lying Disorder would be called Liarrhea.

You Might Also Like

@JustBeingEmma

My husband came with me to the gynecologist. As a new patient, I had to fill out a form asking if I’d ever had an IUD. When I checked the ‘yes’ box, he said: “You drove drunk!?!”

@StoferComic

An argument with my wife is like the gas pedal on a Prius. I can put my foot down, but I don’t really expect much to happen…

@Dawn_M_

Why is it so hard for hitchhikers to say “I love you too”?

@_steamy_mac

Gonna start wearing exclusively white jeans. With lots of zippers on them. No pockets, just so many zippers.

@Laser_Cat

The best way to get a job is to hold the other person’s hand through the interview. If you don’t get hired, no worries. You made a friend.

@SukaBlunt

I learned 2 things at least when I was married

1. Always passcode lock your phone
2. Don’t use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen

@GibJimson

Damn girl, are you an octagon?

Cause there’s like 8 different sides to you.

@Tmoney68

How much for the giant, walk-in medicine cabinet?

“Sir, this is a liquor store.”

@onion_an

Son: Dad can sand melt?

Me putting down my glass: Don’t be ridiculous of course it can’t