@lawking30
I photobombed my pal’s passport photo & now they won’t let him through customs unless I’m behind him waving my hands in the air like a putz.
@ANastyGorilla
If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were both drowning and you could only save one, would you grab a bite to eat or finish mowing the lawn?
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@lawking30
@mom_tho
Me: Why are you digging in your ear?
3: Daddy pulled out coins yesterday and I’m looking for more for my piggy bank!
Me: Well in this economy it can’t hurt to try
@thatdutchperson
[1994]
*rewinds tape with a pencil*[2016]
*gets angry when I accidentally close the music app*
@deedles420
men are so lucky they don’t have to sit down to poop.
@VibesBummer
Babies won’t eat food unless they think it’s an airplane because all humans are born believing they’re godzilla.
@druuuck
NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System
PLUTO: I’m back, baby!
NASA: because we found a new one!
PLUTO: SON OF A
@salamingia
Don’t you love it when you order salt at McDonald’s and you accidentally get some fries!
@wilw
Se7en, but instead of deadly sins, the murders are based on different Smurfs.
@AbbyHasIssues
Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct.
@VerbsRProudest
*shaking fist, cursing my blood enemies* May it rain hard on your school poster project due date. And…and…May your magic marker block letters run!