@DurtMcHurtt

If Kraft singles are so good then why are they still single?

You Might Also Like

@lmegordon

At this point in my marriage, showering together is just a convenient way to check for ticks.

@JohnLyonTweets

I love all my family members and wouldn’t sell them at any price.

But just for the sake of conversation, give me a ballpark figure.

@DrakeGatsby

[First day as an undercover cop]

Drug Dealer: You got the money?

Me: … *into cufflink* Line?

@MeReflectingMe

Prince Charles is not at all pleased with the Genie that misheard his “coronation” wish.

@TheHatStore

me: I forgot my line

movie director: I really regret bringing you on this fishing trip

@Chhapiness

The best actress award goes to my 5YO for her performance as a hungry and deprived child just before her bedtime

@GavinProbably

Said “large” today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting “Venti, Venti, Venti!” and a mass suicide occurred.

@ItsAndyRyan

Me: I’ve lost the dictionary
Her: Can you look upstairs?
Me: I can’t look up anything