To some, it’s known as “soda.” Some call it “pop.” Some even order it as “coke” or “cola.” The spicy bubble brown juice goes by many names
If she’s “one-in-million” there’s 1,344 of her in China.
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I want a car horn that shouts obscenities.
GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK
HIS AGENT: gary that’s a bad idea—how’d you feel about a ghost writer?
GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
I love how the Ninja Turtles wear masks to hide their identity. It’s not like you’re a giant turtle or anything.
I bought some super sensitive condoms a few months ago and they won’t stop crying because I don’t use them.
Judge: how do you plead?
Me: [looks at lawyer]
Lawyer: [mouths “not guilty”]
Me: hot milky
L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up
Kanye West builds a time machine so he can interrupt himself interrupting Taylor Swift.
Netflix and we’ll have to call my ex to get the password.
They say guys who drive tiny sports cars are trying to over-compensate…
*walks up to guy in minivan*
STOP EDITING YOUR PICS, what if you go missing? How tf can we find you if you look like Beyonce on Instagram but Waka Flocka in real life?