Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Me: I’ve always been passionate about being able to afford food
If someone is whistling they:
1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone
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[3 days later]
Me: Okay I’m up!
CW: Have you had 5 guys?
Me: *blank stare* That’s kinda personal don’t ya think?
And that’s when I found out it’s the name of a burger joint
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What moisturiser do bullfighters use? Olay.
ME: Your doll is creeping me out! Is it haunted?
NEW MOM: That’s my baby, you idiot.