@Claytonsaurus

If spiders ever figure out how to become ghosts, we’re screwed.

If spiders ever figure out how to become ghosts, we’re screwed.

- @Claytonsaurus

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@Holy_Mowgli

*visiting Egypt*

“What the hell, they walk like everybody else!”

@thesulk

“All black people are Aiwa, and all jews are Technics.” “Those are just stereo types.”

@noneofyours99

That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first.

@weinerdog4life

No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that’s why I dropped it.

@murrman5

Sorry I lied about knowing how to play the piano. What’s that? Yes, I agree it made the funeral uncomfortable.

@Book_Krazy

[spelling bee]

Your word is ‘monosyllabic’

“Can you describe it in a sentence?”

Yes

@thenashleysays

before you test me just know there are no toddlers allowed in prison and that sounds really nice to me right about now

@BuckyIsotope

PRINCESS PEACH: oh Mario I have terrible news
MARIO: what is it
PRINCESS PEACH: Luigi is dead!
MARIO: who?
PRINCESS PEACH: *sighs and pinches bridge of her nose* green you is dead
MARIO: oh no!