[Delta Airlines Interview]
Me: Sorry I’m 3 hours late.
Interviewer: You’re hired!
If the Earth is only 5000 years old, how do you explain Cher?
You Might Also Like
Toddler: [spills cup of apple juice]
Me: Don’t move!
Toddler: [sits on spill]
And the Lord said to Peter “come forth and you will receive eternal life”.
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
A haunted house that has a room where a bunch of women ask you “Notice anything different about my hair?”
Clerk: no pets allowed
Me: *closes eyes* It’s my seeing eye dog.
C: You tried that last week.
M: IT’S MY SEEING EYE DOG!
Buying a girl drinks at the bar is played out. You gotta send a pizza & a basket of wings to her table
I love kids…But stop making me hold your baby. Why are you letting people touch your new born?!?
I don’t let people touch my new iPhone
Me: Is there alcohol in this?
Barista: … No ma’am.
Me: Can there be?
Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say “What’s up, Chad?” & he’ll be all “Whoa… How’d you know my name, bro?”