If the name of a show is just some guy’s name you know its about a killer.
E.g. Dexter, Barry, Arthur
You Might Also Like
When I’d go to church as a kid I’d always wonder why there were so many seats reserved for Usher
I made some soup yesterday entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere…
It was a broth of fresh air!🤭😁
The biggest lie from my childhood was “Anti-Skip Protection” on my Sony Disc Man.
timmy was starting to wonder just how badly he really wanted that archery badge
Dudes named Chance never had one.
Whoa I’m floating! Am I…dead?
“No it’s a dream”
What a relief! Wait. Who said that?
Grim Reaper: (mutters) shit
Uh nobody go back to sleep
People will say they don’t want to be lied to and then read fiction. Bro, pick a lane.
Spam emailers who use the heading “Loaded broccoli salad to win the holidays” are not to be trusted.
there was a sandwich. on the edge of the counter. and now there isn’t. those are all the details. we can confirm so far. the piece of lettuce on my nose. is purely circumstantial
All the characters in the 2006 sci-fi comedy ‘Idiocracy’ wear Crocs because the costume designer thought they were futuristic and too ugly to ever become popular in real life
my mom when anyone would walk on the carpet she just vacuumed
interviewer: ur biggest weakness?
me: i hate working
Hear me out.
CROUTON BANGLES.
We have the technology.
I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out
Breaking: Nate Silver Predicts That If the Election Were Held Today, It Would Most Likely Be Due to Some Kind of Serious Administrative Error
mondays are the worst day of the week because no one likes you unless you’re a holiday
sometimes the people that hurt us the most are the people with nunchucks
If my grandfather were alive today he’d be trapped in a box underground. Horrible to think about really.
How is it that I, a young, single, man with a good job and his own apartment, cannot find a swordsman skilled enough to grant me a warrior’s death?
[doorbell rings]
Me: [opens door] yes?
Kidnapper: look I know you haven’t paid the ransom yet but-[hands toddler back]
At my interview
Him – what do you make at your current job?
Mostly mistakes and few inappropriate comments
My kids never meet a drink he couldn’t spill
BREAKING: Pluto is once again a regular planet.
“It was always huge & full sized!” said one dwarf planet scientist with a fake mustache.
“Trust issues? HAHAHAHAHA”
–Pluto, the former planet
* Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *
If Dracula bit my neck, KFC gravy would just come out
Honestly, ladies, pockets aren’t all that they’re hyped up to be.
*finding the car key fob in three pieces in the dryer
shaggy: hey scoob where’s my burger
scooby: ruh roh
shaggy: great danes only live 8 years you know
scooby: ruck roo
[Theater]
GF: I got M&M’s.
Me: I can’t eat those here.
GF: Why?
M: *exasperated sigh* Because it’s too dark to separate them by color.
I’m eating strawberries in the bath while watching a spider kill a ladybug. I feel like I’m in a silent French film about sex and death.