@AimeeHelene1: If this paper cut is any indication of my pain threshold, then child birth would definitely kill me.
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@KevinFarzad: If you're an astronaut and you don't end every relationship by saying "look, I just need space" then you're wasting everyone's time.
@tracietom: 8 yr old: Mom, what do you want to be? Me: Single, living in Bahamas, no kids, maybe operate a little dive shop, driv-- 8: I mean for Halloween Me: Oh, I don't know I haven't really thought about it
@donni: Work like you don't need the money: Just stop and go home. Who cares? You don't need that money
@dadsrpeopletoo: (Kissing in bed) Wife: Wait...Do you smell smoke? Elf on the shelf: (puffs cigarette) Don’t stop.