All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream
If Twitter is a rave then Facebook is a Tupperware party.
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*sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife*
Hello Karen. Maybe you’d like to tell me who used all my essential oils
JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity?
ME: let me double-check with my counsel
*moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods*
ME: thats correct ur honor
Trail mix? You mean M&M’s with obstacles.
You’re Twitter famous. Cool, cool.
I won a dodgeball tournament in 3rd grade and I got a real trophy for that.
They grow up so fast. My nephew lost his first tooth Saturday night
In a fight a with a bouncer
Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put
-spider hokey pokey
My wife & I play this sexy game where she dresses up like a schoolgirl, then I dress up like a schoolgirl then we sit down & learn fractions
There’s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?