i hate “oomf” because i do not read it as “one of my followers” i read it as mario taking damage in mario 64
If two people love each other nothing is impossible…
Except deciding where to eat.
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The Elm Street Daycare Centre has a strict “no naptime” policy.
There is a lady who just asked me if Arsenal is a series! I asked her why?She told me that all Arsenal fans usually wait for the next season
Can anyone recommend a hypnotist? I’m open to suggestion
Tim Cook bravely announces he’s gay.
The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother.
“We know, dear.”
I don’t do drugs. I take drugs. My brain does the drugs. Follow me? Me either -because drugs
she wears short skirts, I’m googling the symptoms of gout. she’s cheer captain, and I have gout
*covers kids eyes*
“Hey Billy, guess who?”
“I knw its u dad. I know ur voice”
“Its not ur dad”
having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house
me: he died of natural causes
cop: you pushed him off the roof
me: gravity’s natural