If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney.
![]()
You Might Also Like
I don’t understand why people get excited about carbon dating.
But then perhaps I just haven’t met the right pencil.
Women are like angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly……. on a broomstick, we’re flexible like that
I’m going to say sky diving is probably not for me since I just screamed when the toilet seat shifted.
me: i’m late
boss: again?
me: it’s yours
I better not wake up later and find out stuff is still happening.
I’d travel halfway across the world just to drop an anvil on your head.
Knights in white satin do not sound like they would be properly protected in a battle scenario. Yes, they would LOOK incredible but sadly they would die
JFK was the perfect name for this airport because it makes me feel like I got shot in the head
doctor: “how much exercise do you do per week?”
me: “um.. does sex count?
doctor: “yes”
me: “absolutely none”
1978 was all about running home when the street lights came on and dressing in the closet so my Shaun Cassidy posters didn’t see me naked…
Am I romantic?
I do the rose petal thing but I use potato salad.
So, I don’t know.
You tell me.
Mom: if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump too
Me: no
Mom: how about 1 friend
Me: what
Mom: ok no friends & a ride there
Sitting in my car eating McD’s, and I hear a quiet voice behind me go:
“Here, we have The Fat Woman in her natural habitat..”
ACCOUNTANT: you have a lot of outstanding debt
ME: thanks i worked really hard on it
God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.
what did president abe lincoln call his journal?
…his lincoln logs
I often find myself singing in the shower, which can be extremely frightening. Is he a clone!? What is this place! SOMEBODY HELP ME.
“So how was your day today at work?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” 🤦♂️😳🤯😂
Grease is my favourite movie about how smoking gets you a boyfriend.
Has science gone too far?
![]()
My friend told me her kids don’t get dessert every night which really confused me. Like, what does she use to bribe them to eat their dinner?!
Pretty cool how every single person who read The Secret is now a billionaire.
I made a grown man cry today in court.
But yet I can’t get my kids to clean their damn rooms.
thinking about parking in a garage downtown just to get some validation
On a packed bus googling “how to tell the person sitting next to you that you love them”
The cool thing about fall is that you completely forget your windows are open when you start losing your shit.
Like, “Hey everyone. Please enjoy the sweet sound of dysfunction radiating from our humble abode.”
i ain’t victim blaming, but why tf would you tell a wolf where your grandmother lives
When anyone in my family gets out a board game I just storm over and flip the table before the game even starts.
Why delay the inevitable?
When a man tells me he’s looking for a ‘real woman’ I scurry away because I’m actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN’T FIND OUT.