Environmentalism is fine but what if global warming is wrong? Then we made our air cleaner for nothing
If what people thought of you, what you thought of yourself and who you really are ever met, the three of you wouldn’t recognize each other.
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For the baby who has everything
Going to show my kids before and after pictures of Lindsay Lohan and say this girl didn’t think she needed a nap either.
ME: I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here.
GUY: I love that song.
ME: What song?
Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.
-1 sided text conversation between me and my 18yo daughter because all I do is pick her up from places.
Writing tip: Give your characters different names. If all your characters are named “Nathan”, readers will become confused.
I’ve decided to retire on Monday & live off my savings.
Don’t know what I will do on Tuesday though?
*girl rests her head on my shoulder*
-Are you flexing?
BATMAN – You call?
L/HOUSE KEEPER – Shit, not again man. I am so sorry.
BATMAN – Dead seagull on the light?