@jakefromstfarm3: If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.
@delusions_of: I'm like a Rubik's Cube. Seems fun at first but eventually you'll want to rip me apart.
@DavidKinney: If I am ever killed by a koala bear, I hope whoever finds me just tells people I was killed by a bear
@T_Bonezzz: *Hunts and Kills Winnie the Pooh *Hunts and Kills Pepé Le Pew *Cooks both in stew *Serves Pooh Pew Platter