Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I’d be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit.
If you ask a haunted doll if they’re possessed they have to tell you.
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Hotel garbage cans are way too small.
How the hell am I supposed to fit my 8 take out containers, 5 empty bottles of wine, and cake tin in there?!
ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts
I still can’t believe someone was hungry enough to try kale.
If Child A has 2 scoops of ice cream in his bowl, and child B has 1 3/4 scoops, how many days will Mom have to hear about it?
‘….annnnnnd now you have TWO hours before you have to get up.’
~The monster under my bed
If you can’t beat them, try again when they’re sleeping.
Cake is better than sex because cavities are better than babies
If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don’t preface them with “and lastly”.
For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that’s one of his fantasies: That we have health care.