Answer : Mrs.Claus
Question : Who was the only person in history that was unhappy when Santa came early?
If you ask a haunted doll if they’re possessed they have to tell you.
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You people are tweeting a lot about this eclipse for people who claim to never go outside
I appreciate it when my cats stand around while I clean their litter box. We’re like a little road crew: one guy works, three supervise.
her: wanna come over
me: can’t I’m at an office party
her: ur self-employed
me: and having a great time
my mother: when are you going to settle down and give me grandchildren
me: [pulling a duckling from my pocket] i’ve introduced you to gregory and you refuse to acknowledge him.
4: can I have two little muffins?
Me: how about I give you one and if you finish it, I’ll give you another one
4: no I want two NOWWWW
Me: let’s start with one
4: NOOOO TWOOOO
Me: just one
Me: FINE *gives her two*
4: *eats only one*
You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout, I’m telling you why
Emotion signals weakness to your enemy
Be vigilant, my son
Screw you, Burger King, if you really wanted me to have it “MY way” you’d have added alcohol to your menu.
My therapist says my little dragon friend isn’t real. But, my little dragon friend says my therapist isn’t real, and I’ve known her longer.
I pick up my dog’s poop with empty Snickers wrappers. What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.