lawyer: your honor, I request a side bar
judge: granted. *cracks open a beer*
If you buy a house off Craig’s List, it comes with a free serial killer.
You Might Also Like
A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
Damn you bladder stop releasing my precious beer.
A book doesn’t get jealous when you finish it and start another book.
May I help you find something?
“Where are the giants?“
“Your sign outside says there’s a giant sale.“
Starbucks really isn’t that expensive when compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup
Regular clock: Hey bruh, what’s up? It’s 3:30pm.
Grandfather clock: GET OFF MY LAWN, AND NO, I WON’T TELL YOU THE TIME!!
*drifts off into a nap*
not a day goes by where i don’t think of this
Wife: I’m home.
Me: [reading the Bible] hey Babe! did you know First Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4-7 states love is patient, love is kind-
Me: [still reading ] -it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…
Wife: what did you do?
I’m not worried about toilet paper, but if I go to the store and my coffee creamer is gone, we are going to have issues.