“Everyone says they’re voting for Clinton or Trump, but I’m voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus.”
If you don’t have anything nice to say, say it sarcastically.
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My arc would have been filled with wolves. I would have made a terrible Noah.
* 50 pushups *
* 100 situps *
* Runs 3 miles *
My exercise program is really going great since I switched to all asterisk actions.
The plot thickens.
Mostly because my grave digger had no idea just how fat I was.
Please do not throw cigarette butts into the urinals, as it makes them soggy and very hard to light
Sex in your 40’s:
* CRRRACK *
Her: Was that me or you?
Me: Just go with it, we’ll assess injuries later.
LIES! STOP THE LIES!
-My reply to my husband whenever he tells me he’s gonna “repair that”.
Funny how you can tell a child Santa is made up and they accept it immediately, but you tell an adult God is made up, and they throw a fit.
Whenever you feel depressed, imagine someone tickling Kristen Stewart.
Slept with my makeup and now my pillow looks like the shroud of Revlon.