[every person who ever bought a used bookstore]
now I can bring my cats to work.
If you don’t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
You Might Also Like
The power of art = theory.
The power of power = praxis.
The the of the = philosophy.
Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you…
SO SPEAKETH THE OUIJA BOARD, “N E W N U M B E R W H O I S T H I S”
I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo.
[watching Olympic Figure Skating]
Me: HOLY CRAP!!! THAT ROUTINE WAS INCREDIBLE!!!
T.V. Announcer Johnny Weir: it’s obvious to everyone how awful that routine was
I dunno when it stopped, but I’m kinda pissed that no one celebrates and gives me a sticker when I shit anymore
You’re how old?
*does quick math in head*
Ok! I’m not old enough to be your mom …lets do this!
-justifying a bad decision with math
My wife just pulled me into the other room and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk but she just wanted to give me m&m’s without the kids seeing.
You and I share a very special connection.
*I’m parked outside your house using your Wi-fi.