Countries whose names are lies:
• Chile – pretty warm
• Ivory Coast – it’s sand
• Greenland – nope
• Turkey – not a flightless bird
• United Kingdom
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
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*gets summoned to the spider court*
YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE CRUSHING OF 4 SPIDERS
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
*places glass over spider judge*
One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked.
Trump is a plant by the NRA to make liberals want to shoot someone
Captain America: I got the alert, what’s the emergency?
Avengers: Well, it’s snowing, so…
CA [handing over shield]: Last time! Buy a sled!
pharaoh: over my dead body!
pyramid architect: that’s where we’ll build it, yes.
Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.
Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
Apparently coming to the Easter egg hunt dressed like the playboy bunny was not appropriate.
What if archeologists just matched the wrong bones and the t-Rex actually had super long arms
Maybe I should’ve learned to code instead of majoring in Bermuda Triangle Studies