@cravin4

If you ever find a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich at my house call the police.

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@MaDom

I’ve never been skydiving, but I’ve zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

@Bearslietoo

Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire.

@TheToddWilliams

[Origins…]

BRUCE WAYNE: Did you make all the “Badman” equipment like I told you…the Badmobile, the Badcopter etc?

ALFRED: Yeah…wait, what?

@noogscorner

Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?

@Cryptoterra

someone is getting married down the street from me and their wedding geofilter works at my house

@Disneyland2go

no april fools jokes for us as we are in the middle of a pandemic. having said that, goofy has died.

@JanuaryJames

People will stop talking to you if you challenge them to a rap duel.

@jeannerbeaner

95% of pet ownership is just saying “hello” to them in various tones.