If you ever find a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich at my house call the police.

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I’ve never been skydiving, but I’ve zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.


Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire.



BRUCE WAYNE: Did you make all the “Badman” equipment like I told you…the Badmobile, the Badcopter etc?

ALFRED: Yeah…wait, what?


Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?


someone is getting married down the street from me and their wedding geofilter works at my house


no april fools jokes for us as we are in the middle of a pandemic. having said that, goofy has died.


People will stop talking to you if you challenge them to a rap duel.


95% of pet ownership is just saying “hello” to them in various tones.